A field guide to the weird and wonderful world of online chatrooms.
Whether you’re an explorer new to the magical world of online chat or someone simply looking to better understand your surroundings, our team of digi-zoologists invites you to peruse our beastiary with care. You never know when you’ll need to identify the particulars of a creature you’ve snared in your inter-net. (Not sorry.)
Angel
These beings are kind and loving, with time for everyone and a low tolerance for misbehavior or cruelty. They often have large followings and devoted fans, and their rooms are a safe haven for all. Angels wholeheartedly believe that with great power comes great responsibility, and they are fierce defenders of their chosen communities and families. Whatever their good may be, they use their power to further its reach. Angels are easy to find in the wild, as their doors are always open and all are welcome.
Chimera
We’ll be blunt about it: Chimeras have two heads. Sometimes an unsuspecting traveller will come upon a goat, only to realize there is a lion attached. While it can be exciting to make such an acquaintance, Chimeras are dangerous. You never know when they could try to bite you in the back. Our best advice: trust your gut. If you see a head you don’t recognize, turn around.
Ghost
Ghosts are often, but not always, the product of tragic circumstances. They are friends who’ve slipped away, sometimes with a goodbye, sometimes without. Usually, Ghosts go quietly into that good night, and whether you like it or not, you may never hear from them again. Some Ghosts disappear on purpose, either to avoid someone or to hurt them actively. However, other Ghosts are simply pulled away by forces beyond their control. When facing a Ghost, you won’t know you’ve seen one until it disappears.
Horny Toad
Often found around Unicorns, Horny Toads aren’t looking for a lot of variety. If you aren’t a Unicorn or Angel, just keep your security settings on medium and you won’t have anything to worry about. If you are an Angel or a Unicorn, you already know how to deal with these focused creatures, and we wish you luck.
Lurker
Preferring to keep to the shadows, Lurkers are adept observers, silent, patient, and utterly unknowable — but they keep tabs on you. No verified lurker sighting has ever been recorded. Like dark matter, we hypothesize their existence based on their effects on other creatures. The only proof we have are the ever-rising cam views and profile hits. You will never come upon a Lurker in the wild unless they choose to reveal themself, at which point they instantaneously evolve.
Phoenix
Perhaps the opposite of a Ghost, a Phoenix is the once and future friend, a creature you thought lost to time and technology, only to rise again in a bright and fiery display of life. Phoenixes have a surprisingly long lifespan. Knock them down and they’ll bounce right back. Hopefully this is a good thing. It’s best to stay on the good side of these powerful beings. You’ll know a Phoenix when you see one in your DMs after two months of nothing.
The Wailer
Not necessarily a malevolent being, the Wailer nonetheless inspires ire in many who observe their behavior, even the most trained of field professionals. Made up of two distinct groups, Text Wailers and Mic Wailers, these creatures employ a bold or jarring communication style that causes commotion wherever they go. The former is unrelenting in its use of caps lock; the latter’s levels are well out of whack. Should you encounter a Wailer in the wild, don’t lose your head. Simply take a deep breath and turn down your dial. They’re often friendly enough when approached with respect.
Troll
We’ve all seen Trolls. They’re generally easy to identify by their ugly nature, though some are more sly than others. Pay attention to that sour taste in your mouth and any behavior that is oddly antagonistic or abrasive. When encountering a Troll in the wild, it’s best to alert a friend — and maybe an admin, too. They can say what they want, but no one has to listen. That’s what room rules are for!
Unicorn
These creatures are rare, but not hard to spot. They are beautiful inside and out, and while sometimes a bit flashy, know how to put on a magical show. Most who come in contact with a Unicorn are entranced immediately, and their dedication is rewarded with unending entertainment. It’s likely you won’t be the first to discover a Unicorn in the wild, but they will make you feel like it. To Unicorns, everyone is the only person in the world, and the communities that grow up around this creature are often warm and welcoming — just try to avoid the jealous types that may want this creature all to themselves.
Wall Flower
Occasionally mistaken for Lurkers due to their quiet nature, Wall Flowers are not secretive, they’re just shy. A Wall Flower will make no effort to hide themselves from watchful eyes, but they may never say more than five words in a conversation, and you’d be hard pressed to get more without dedicating much time and care to the task. Wall Flowers are common in large communities and help maintain healthy chatting numbers without overloading the chat stream itself.
Webmaster
A creature with many eyes and many hands, the Webmaster watches all things at all times. It’s nearly impossible to slip something past one, as they can feel vibrations in the very matter around them. Webmasters will only allow you to spot them if they want you to, so it’s best to always be on good behavior, just in case.
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